Laughs, Tears, and CocaCola
by DeadTired
Summary: You will laugh, you will cry! A collection of one-shots written by me to cover almost every possible topic! Primarily MirSan
1. Table of Contents

**Laughs, Tears, and Coca-Cola**

Welcome one and all to the Hall of One-shots! I do not have neither the time nor the patience to create a full story (though one is in progress-expect it over the summer) so, for right now, one-shots are my thing. For those of you who are fans of my poetry, you already know me, but I welcome anyone who does not happen to be a poetry lover! This page will server as my table of contents. I will add to it each time a story is uploaded with a brief summary of the story. Note: As a Miroku/Sango fanatic, these stories will most likely center around them. However, every now and then I might get a tickle for an Inuyasha/Kagome centered one. And some of these won't even deal with relationships at all! I'm just evil that way. So, if you are strong of mind, feel free to enter into… DeadTired's "Hall of One-shots"! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

1. Talk Shows Are Evil-Humor- Because I'm the author and can do it, I whisk Miroku and Sango awat to a Jerry Springer-esque show to solve their obvious relationship problems, (coughMirokucough). My attempt to be funny.

2. That's Why I Cry-Angst- Miroku thought he was ready to die, that was, until he met her.

In Progress- I never did get what was so great about Sesshomaru, maybe cause I'm a guy. My musings on the topic, and Sesshomaru is assaulted by a mass of screaming fangirls! (lucky dog- no pun intended.)


	2. Talk Shows Are Evil!

**Laughs, Tears, and Coca-Cola**

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I do not own Gwen Stefani's "Rich Girl". I do not own Jerry Springer. I don't own crap, do I?

**Explanation:** I'm gonna start off this collection with a happy, short story. I wrote this in script format, 'cause i found it funnier that way. So enjoy, and be the first to review my new section!

PS: The next one will be serious.

**Talk Show Are Evil**

A normal day for our travelers. Although, when you're traveling with a disgruntled hanyou, a psychotic miko, a candy-crazed kitsune, a obsessive taijiya, and a perverted houshi, normal isn't saying much. This is how their day began:

Inuyasha: Gack! Kagome, what is this stuff?

Kagome: It's oatmeal, now eat it!

Inuyasha: It looks like vomit!

Kagome: Inuyasha…

Inuyasha: Nani?

Kagome: OSUWARI! (Slam)

Kirara: Mew! (Kirara gets her two cents in.)

Shippo: Kagome, I want candy!

Kagome: No! Not until you finish your oatmeal!

Shippo: But it's icky!

Inuyasha: Shut up and stop whining. (WHACK!)

Shippo: WAAHAAA! You're so cruel.

Miroku and Sango are just enjoying the ride. That is, at least until…

(Grope)

Sango: ACK! PERVERT! (Slap!)

Miroku: (Sigh) So worth it.

Sango: Why do you do that? Grr!

Miroku: Ahh, I cannot resist.

(Boom!)

Sango: What was that?

Strange Voice: It is I…

Miroku: Buddha?

Voice: No! The author!

Miroku: Prove it! (Suddenly shoots up and starts singing Gwen Stefani's "Rich Girl)

Sango: … Okay… umm… what exactly is it you want, Mr. Author sir?

Author (me): Over the course of 109 episodes and two full length feature films I have watched you and…

Miroku: Well, that's rather disturbing…

Me: SILENCE! (Miroku is struck by lightning). I have come to the conclusion you two need some severe relationship counseling.

Sango: (Blush) Relationship? What ever do you mean?

Me: Oh, quiet will you? You're not fooling anyone, y'know.

Sango: Is it really that obvious?

Me: You betcha blush girl.

Miroku: …

Sango: So… um… what do you plan to do with us?

Me: Don't worry, I booked ya's a place on the Harry Springer show. (sorry, says I can't use his real name.) He'll either solve your problem, or make it much worse. Probably the second one.

Sango: Well that doesn't make much sense…

Me: Well, I'm the author and I say it does.

Sango: Your logic is… (faints)

Miroku: What did you do to her?

Me: Same thing I'm gonna do to you.

Miroku: Gulp…

(Later)

Crowd: HARRY! HARRY! HARRY! HARRY!

Miroku: (wakes up) Gah! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?

(Sango wakes up)

Harry Springer: Hello, and welcome to the Harry Springer show, today's topic: "My Boyfriend is an Incurable Pervert"!

Sango: He's not my boyfriend!

Harry: HAHAHA! Sure he isn't. Now, tell us a little about yourself.

Sango: Well, um, my name is Sango and I'm a demon-slayer from feudal Japan.

(Crowd cheers)

Random Crowd Member: Yeah! Feudal Japan ROCKS!

Harry: (signals to Miroku) And you?

Miroku: My name's Miroku, and I'm a monk.

(Crowd boos)

Miroku: (shoots to his feet and points at crowd) HA! Good luck reaching Nirvana!

Random Crowd Member: Yeah! Nirvana ROCKS!

(With lightning speed, Miroku plucks an ofuda from his robe and hurls it at the man, who collapses on the ground, writhing in pain.)

Harry: Well… Ooookay… now, Sango, tell us, exactly what does Miroku do to annoy you?

Sango: Well, he constantly is groping me and asking other women to bear his children.

(Crowd boos)

Miroku: I can't control myself… Sango… you know you're the only woman I want.

Sango: Houshi-sama… do you mean that?

Harry: (to backstage) They're calming down, bring out the secret weapon.

Miroku: Sango-chan, you know I mean it…

(Crowd Aw's)

Harry: Whoah, whoah, wait a minute! Before you to make up, I think we should bring out a very dear friend of Sango's…

Sango: Aw, hell no.

Harry: That's right! Kuronoske, c'mon out!

Kuronoske: Sango? Sango, what's this all about? I thought you wanted to marry me!

Sango: I never said that!

Kuronoske: (points to Miroku) You! Monk! This is your fault!

Miroku: Oh really! Bring it on rich boy!

Kuronoske: Oh! It's already been brung! (Charges at Miroku, arms flailing. Miroku punches him and he collapses on the ground. Crowd goes crazy.) Ow! Damn, dude! How could you do that!

Miroku: Sango's my girl! Don't you ever forget that!

Harry: Really now? If she's really your girl, you should be able to resist this! The entire cast of competitors of the last Miss Universe pageant!

Miroku: Oh crap.

(A bunch of beautiful women walk onto stage. Miroku is frozen.)

Miroku: Must resist… so many women… no… Sango… AUUUUURRGGHHH!

Harry: C'mon Miroku, you know that you want to…

Miroku: You know what, Harry?

Harry: What?

Miroku: Screw you! (hurls his staff into the air, it hits Harry in the chest and impales him)

Harry: Now, that's not very nice…

Miroku: What? You should be dead!

Harry: Foolish monk, talk show hosts are immortal!

Miroku: NOOOOOOO!

Harry: Time you met your downfall! (transforms into a giant beast) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Charges the stage, right at Miroku.)

Sango: Hiraikotsu! (her boomerang flies through the air, striking the Springer-beast in the head.) Houshi-sama, use the Kazaana!

Miroku: I can't! I'll get the entire crowd!

Sango: C'mon! It's not like they have lives of anything, I mean, look at them!

Crowd: Der…

Miroku: Good point, KAZAANA! (The wind whips the air and the entire crowd and the Springer-beast are sucked into the void.)

Sango: Thank goodness that's over with.

Miroku: Yes, truly.

Sango: So… uh… Houshi-sama, I mean, Miroku… did you mean it when you said… when you said I was the only girl for you?

Miroku: No truer words have ever past through my lips.

Sango: Thank you.

Miroku: Well, I guess the author was right after all, it really did help us.

(Me: Damn straight.)

Miroku: Well, I guess we should go home now.

Sango: Yeah. Say, Miroku… how do you suppose we get home.

Miroku: I don't know Sango… I don't know.

(Screen fades to black)

**Fin.**

So, please be kind and review!

Luv yas all!


	3. That Is Why I Cry

**Laughs, Tears, And Coca-Cola**

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, so stop asking me, Dammit!

**Explanation:** Bring out the tissues, 'cause I got a sad one for ya! It's from Miroku's point of view, just so you know. So, If you feel you are ready, read on! It's kinda short though.

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**That is Why I Cry**

I thought that I could handle it, knowing exactly how, and roughly when, I would die. Now look at me, reduced to this mess that I am. I did not cry when my father died and this curse was passed on to me. I didn't cry when the Kazaana had almost taken me the first time, and I did not shed a tear as Mushin pushed the needle through the tender flesh of my palm. And yet, I cry now. No, I do not cry, I sob. I thought I was stronger. What has pushed me to this point? Even as I ask myself that, I know the answer. It's _her_.

Who is she, you may ask? Alas, I cannot describe her. Her body is slender, yet powerful, and she carries herself with an air of confidence. Her hair is long and dark brown in color; unbelievably smooth and with a seemingly inability to tangle. Her face is blessed by the smoothest of skin, and her lips are alluring and full. And yet, what drew me to her at first were her eyes. And no, I don't mean the eye liner she constantly wears (though it is attractive), but her eyes themselves. Large and brown, they reflect the deep sadness that has plagued her past. And yet, when she is happy, they shine with all the brightness of a child. And when I see that, I want more than anything to make them like that permanently.

But I know that I can't. I do not have the time in life. And that is why I cry. Because I'll never see those pains disappear. And I know that if… no, when I die, will only cause her more pain. Don't think that I'm a fool. I know that she has feelings for me. Stronger feelings than she should have. And I won't say I don't have feelings for her either. But at the rate this little quest is going, my Kazaana will have claimed me long before we have a chance to express those feelings. So for now, all that I can do is push her away. I know, rude, right? But if it keeps even one less ounce of sadness from flooding her heart when I die, then it is well worth it. I like her… love her too much, and I can't stand seeing her in pain, never mind rest in peace when I know that the pain was caused by me.

Kagome tells me to think about her feelings, what she would want. But Kagome is different than I. Kagome's eyes are clouded to the point she cannot see past the near future, but I look at the long run. I realize that she may be happy for the time that I am alive, but after I pass she will sink into an even deeper depression than she is in now. And her life will continue. She'll find another man; she'll settle down and have a multitude of little children. How I wish those children could be mine! But, alas, fate has not destined it to be so. And, being a monk, I know more about fate than many. So when I imagine the future, it is only her, for I will be dead.

But for the time I am alive, I have to just keep her from getting too close. And it saddens me, for I will never see her truly smile. I will never make her happy again. I will never see her grow old with her family. And I will never hold my dear Sango in my arms and call her mine.

That is why I turn away.  
That is why I cry.

**Fin.**

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So, please review!

Luv yas all!


	4. That Is Why I Cry, Pt 2

**Laughs, Tears, and Coca-Cola**

Disclaimer: Give me a break! I don't own Inuyasha already, okay!

**Explanation:** This is Pt.2 of That's Why I Cry. This is from Sango's point of view, and has more added to the ending.

Please Review!

**That's Why I Cry, Pt.2**

I have never seen him like this. I remember talking with Kagome about how he always as so care-free, even with the horrible burden placed upon him. But now I'm beginning to think there's more to my Houshi that I ever guessed. I did not know he was capable of crying, I've never seen it before. Even Inuyasha, in his entire tough attitude, gets tears in his eyes whenever he runs into Kikyou. But Miroku, despite all he's gone and is going through, never sheds a tear.

He's not supposed to be this way! He's supposed to be the incurable pervert, the happy-go-lucky comic-relief persona! And now he sits there sobbing away into the night and it's tearing my heart out. I notice how he gently strokes his clothed palm, and I know what he's thinking about. It makes me wonder, how much time do I have left with my beloved Houshi? A year, a month, a week? For all I know, he could be dead tomorrow.

No, don't think about that, I tell myself. Miroku's strong, he'll survive. But I still can't tear my mind away from the previous thoughts. What would life be like once he's dea-… gone? I never really thought about it before. It's so easy to take someone's life for granted. In truth, I always knew he would not be around long, but I always figured that we'd have defeated Naraku and we'd have gone our separate ways, not that he would actually… well, die. But if Miroku's time was short when I met him, it must be much shorter now. And we're no closer to Naraku… damn him.

I can't take it anymore! I don't want to see him like this! I march my way outside and sit down beside him. If he notices me, he gives me no hint.

"Miroku…" I use his real name.

Slowly his head turns and he looks at me. I can't help but gasp. His eyes, usually so vibrant and joyful, are dark and gray. He has dark lines under his eyes, which are red and dry around the pale core.

"Sango…" he mutters

Just looking at him I can't help but break out in tears. This is not the Miroku I fell in love with. This is the side of him he never shows, this is all the pain and suffering that he has locked up inside his heart for all his life. I reach out and wrap my arms around his head, slowly pulling him closer to me until his head is resting on my shoulder.

"Don't…" his voice is dry and cracked.

I don't listen. Whatever reason he could give me at this point could not turn me away.

"I don't care," I say.

His crying picks up again and I feel his shaking head on my shoulder. My arms wrapped around his body I hush him like a child with a scraped knee.

"It'll be okay," I promise him, "It'll be okay."

He doesn't answer, and he doesn't stop crying. But I know that he just needs time, and soon he'll be his old, perverted self again. He'll be the Miroku I love. But right now, he needs me, and I know as long s I can move my body, I'll always be there for him. The words I want to say well up in the back of my throat, trying to force their way past my lips. But I swallow them back down. Now is not the time. But I promise, one day, I'll be able to tell you that I love you.

**Fin.**

Please Review!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go somewhere. Somewhere... (shifty eyes) secret.


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